How to be a King for Complete Dummies
by emeraldz23
Summary: Edmund's guide on how to be a "Perfect" King. This is for friend of mine coz its her b'day. Wish her happy B'day and feel free to go check her out her name's Animashlover101. So yea this is Edmund's guide on how to be a king! Read inside to for more info :P


**SUP GUYS,**

 **So uh yea hi it was my friends b'day a couple of days ago but i was too busy studying for the maths test which was today (and i think i did pretty good if i do say so myself :P) to write this and post this on her actual bday. so yea we kinda have this thing where I'm Edmund and she's Peter and another friend of ours is Susan and another friend who's Lucy (aka Ed, PP, Sushi and Lu [hehehehe i kinda made a joke saying sushi went to lu {loo} to PP and if u get that good on ya]) yea so then in geography we were talking and stuff and this i got this idea so yea and ill stop talking now (or is it typing?) coz this A/N is ridiculously long :P**

 **DISCLAIMER: if i owned Narnia shouldn't i be in Narnia? anyways i haven't actually read the books so i know Narnia coz i watched the movie so whoever owns this, owns this**

 **DONT FORGET TO WISH ANIMASHLOVER101 HAPPY B'DAY AND MAKE SURE YOU CHECK HER OUT SHE'S A GREAT WRITER!**

 _Ok so, hi i'm Edmund Pevensie AKA King Edmund the Just. This is a recording from Narnia which I sent to emeraldz23 (the publisher) because she wanted me to make a guide on how to be king for complete dummies for her friend's b'day. Just saying i might not sound British because emeraldz23 said that she would have to change the words and stuff so people could understand what im saying even if they're not British, because seriously if I said something like "Your a brick!" you might think that i'm saying that your material to make a house when it actually means "Your Awesome!" so yea I guess you get what I mean._

 _Oh yea and Peter, Susan and Lucy are here too so they might give in a couple of comments here and there and so the there might be bits where I'm telling them to shut up or something and maybe emeraldz23 might keep them in this or not so um yea. ENJOY! and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ANIMASHLOVER101!_

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Ok to start of with, i'm just a King so this is a guide to how to be a King like what it says as the title. This is a guide to how to be King of Narnia not High King or anything like that just like a prince or something but a King but not High King _[Shut up Susan! i'm just making sure that they know that]._

So yeah, my number one rule is that you _don't_ want to be High King. Ok fine maybe at the start I wanted to boss everyone around but truth is being the High King as in the one who calls the shots and everything is bad. You get all these responsibilities. Forget about just having to do your homework and washing the dishes or something. You get a LOT of responsibilities let me just repeat that for you guys, A. LOT. OF. RES-PON-SI-BI-LI-TIES. You have to look all royal and everything, you have to be in all the meetings, you aren't allowed to be late to anything, you have to be posh, you aren't allowed to be dirty, and basically have no fun at all.

Like Peter was already such a bossy boots, a stuck up know-it-all _[don't you dare give me that face, you know you were and still is]_ acting like how he was our dad. But now he doesn't just get the responsibility of us —his siblings — but he also has the responsibility of everyone else in Narnia as well us as. If I was High King everyone would probably be dead by now.

So yeah the number one rule is to _not_ be High King. Its like the golden rule. Plus whats the point of this guide for Kings if your a High King?

The rest of this guide is simple enough to follow that even complete dummies or idiots can do it. Im just gonna do it as a list and give a brief description and why('cause like I said this is for dummies and idiots). If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask emeraldz23 to pass on your question to me. See what I did there? That was High King style if it was my style (King style) I would've written: 'Any questions? tell emeraldz23 and she will give it to me' which is just the way I like it. Shorter and takes less time to read.

Ok so on with the guide (its not really in any specific order so yeah):

~Act irresponsibly- To act irresponsibly you act not responsibly and as to why you do this, its because if you act irresponsibly you don't get much responsibilities.

~ Act like an idiot- Well if your reading this then this should be easy since its a guide for dummies/idiots. Act like an idiot because who cares? No one's gonna care _[yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you say Peter]_

~ Make someone else do your homework- You go order someone to do your homework. You are the freaking King. You have better things to do than do algebra or something. _[Yes, Susan I have a very busy schedule. hmm? with what? are you sure you really want to know? yeah thats what I thought]_

~Make someone do your chores- You go order someone to do your chores. Like I said. You. Are. The. Freaking. King. You. Have. Better. Things. To. Do. _[No Lucy, I do not bully anyone to do my chores, they just simply adore me too much now seriously guys i'll never finish if you guys keep interrupting me!]_

~Don't dress properly- You dress however way you like. Royal clothing can be such a pain in the arse.

~Don't inspire people- Be a pessimist and for you guys who don't know what that means, it means say the worst things that can happen to people. Why? I have no idea. _[Is there even a point to this whole thing Susan is there? no? then theres no point for number 7]_

~Be VERY stubborn- You don't listen to anyone. Why? because its funny to see Peter's face go all read and stuff. _[Whaaat? it is]_

~Don't know any of the History of where you're reigning- Don't study or listen to people like Susan _[Im sorry (not) Susan but yes you are a bookworm and yes you're boring]_ Its just too boring to know and then what happens after you know all that? you just end up wasting gods know how much time

~Do whatever you want- Just do whatever you feel like doing. Because you can plus pp's got it covered. I give the "OK lets do this peeps!" then its all up to Peter. Ive done my part so go on shoo! do your part!

So these are some things you need to do to be a King, well these are the things I do and i'm like a perfect King _[why are you guys looking at me like that?]._ So yea but if you want to be High King you just do the opposite of everything I told you.

Anyways I gotta go. My mouth is like tired from talking and yeah. I'll just let pp, sushi and lu (thanks for the great nickname for Peter) say a few things but i'm outta here. Peace out.

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Hi, High King Peter the Magnificent here. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANIMASHLOVER101 please tell your friend emeradz23 to not call you (or is it me?) pp.

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Hi, I'm Queen Susan the Gentle. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you enjoyed your birthday! may you have many more birthdays and wishes to come!

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Hi, I'm Lucy the Valiant. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANIMASH! did you get a lot of presents did you like emeraldz23's present? what was you birthday wish? actually don't tell me it might not come true. what kind of cake did you have? was it nice? wha-

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Hehehe Peter here again don't mind Lucy she gets excited when it comes to birthdays. Okay guys lets sing Happy Birthday then we can end this recording. EDDYKINS GET UR BUTT OVER HERE!

WHY?!

BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

BUT I THINK IM LOOSING MY VOICE! *cough cough*

SURE WHY ARE YOU STILL SCREAMING THEN?!

What do you mean?

EEEDDDDDDDDDD

FINE!

*crashing about and some well chosen curses*

Ok ready? 3. 2. 1.

*sings Happy Birthday song with Edmund dragging out every word in a high pitched voice so in the end he finished after everyone else finished 3 minutes ago*

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Hi guys its Emeraldz23, I hope that you liked this recording thingy and I just wanted to say that I envy you guys right now because my ears are probably busted from listening to Edmund (me :P) sing but I guess thats how I sing and yea so anyways HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIVVI!

 **I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED!**


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